i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
