It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize