I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
