What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
