thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
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