She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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