i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize