we're blogging at a bar
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
