is your mom at the bar?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
