I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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