to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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