I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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