i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
