Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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