How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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