About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
