Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
