It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Randomize
