why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
