i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize