Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
