I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
