dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
