i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
