Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
