he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
