I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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