The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
im six kinds of drunk right now
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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