my sisters under your porch take her home
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
