that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I wish you could order shots online.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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