the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
