wanna go halves on a baby?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
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