I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
