thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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