Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Randomize
