oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
