Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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