He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I had to cum in my sink.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
