so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
