we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
