Yo dont text me then not text me
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I deserve this hangover.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
