Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I touched a dick in church today
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
