You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize