Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
