omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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