That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
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