If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Randomize
