with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
