someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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