wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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