i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
