Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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