i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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