I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
