If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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