So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
