Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
