Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Four minutes until I can fart!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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