I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
