he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
