I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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