Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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